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Story by Crystal Siemens
I grew up in a home where the Bible was taught. Unfortunately for me, that was not enough. Oh I knew all the stories, like Noah & the ark, David & Goliath, and the prodigal son; I heard all the "do's & don'ts" of the ten commandments, and I heard about Jesus. I knew that he died on the cross for my sins, that he turned water into wine, and healed the sick, but I had no idea how all this was supposed to impact my life.
I always questioned my family's faith. I mean, they talked about loving Jesus and following him but their beliefs seemed shallow. Our faith appeared to be all about following rules (don't smoke, don't drink, don't dance), and not really about love. Yet at an early age, I accepted I was a sinner and that I needed Jesus as my Savior. Still, I always hoped there was more to following Jesus than just rules and this simple - albeit sincere - prayer of acceptance.
I was baptized at age sixteen. I went to a Christian high school, and then to Bible school. I did all the right things. On the outside I was exactly who I felt my family expected me to be - a good Christian; however, my growing addiction to food was something I couldn't hide. Every emotion, good and bad, I learned to suppress with food. I felt my home life was so out of control that food became the one way I could control my emotions.
I lived on a dairy farm and had many chores. There was no time for after school sports or birthday parties. I was expected to work hard: that was my life. To escape from this, I lived in a fantasy world of romance novels. I thought everyone else must be living like the books described. The love was unconditional and the man pursued the woman with passion. I felt I was the only one who had such a horrible life and I began to fill with anger. In hiding from my reality, I struggled with depression and violent outbursts; the rest of the time I felt numb. I always thought that once I grew up and had a family of my own, life would be better. Sadly, it only got worse. My new family took the brunt of all my anger and bitterness.
About four years ago, our family changed churches. One evening a woman from our new church called and told me she'd had a dream, and that Jesus had a message for me. I had heard about people receiving messages from Jesus, but I was skeptical, and wondered, "Why would Jesus bother to talk to me?"
I really had no idea what to expect. I knew who the woman was, but that was all I knew. And frankly, I was a little afraid of the "message" she had from Jesus. She asked that we meet for dinner. When we met, she brought a large bouquet of flowers and told me about her dream. The message was Jesus asking me to put aside everything and run away with him: "I love you, leave everything behind and let's just focus on us." The message made me feel like I really was someone special. This began my romance with the man called Jesus.
As a child I knew there was more to Jesus than just following rules and saying a simple prayer. I have come to know a very real Jesus. He has shown me how much he wants to be involved in my life, how much he wants to help me fulfill all my hopes and dreams. Jesus has comforted me through the process of healing from my past hurts and, through prayer, he has helped me deal with my anger. He has shown me what true romance is all about. He pursues me with passion, loves me unconditionally, and will walk with me no matter where I am on my journey.
The process of learning to live in the real world has been difficult, but along with the pain, I have felt more joy and peace on this journey than I have ever experienced in my life. I am slowly learning to deal with all my emotions instead of suppressing them. I feel I am on the road of restoration, where I can let go of expectations and control, and be completely free to be who God has created me to be - a new creation through Jesus Christ. |
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